Will my child naturally adjust to Israel; is there an ideal or cut-off age to maximize this process?

A frequently asked question about making Aliyah with kids is whether there is a perfect age and whether if you missed this ideal "age" whether it will be too difficult for your child.

I don't think there is a simple answer to this question, but I would like to provide you with a few questions to ask yourself that might help you find the answers.

When making Aliyah, your family and its members are the one's who come along. You know them best. Aliyah does not transform your children in to Israeli's just by being here. They must utilize the strengths they have and bring with them in order to cope with the transition. It does and will require a lot more resilience than they may have needed to ever put to the test in their life so far.

The reason I think that age 6 is a good age to come is because no matter where they are in the world, that transition from preschool in to first grade is always a big step. So doing the move overseas when anyway they are probably going to have to start new friendships, become familiar with a new learning structure, e.g. learn to read/write, and do homework, etc, works well.

Whether you have older or younger children, it really depends on the character of your child, their flexibility and openness to trying new things, and put themselves out there. Are they sociable and make friends relatively easily? Do they tolerate mistakes and can they laugh at themselves? Do they communicate or talk easily when upset or do they bottle things up? How did their previous transitions go? Are they good at this? Do they need time to get used to new things?

If they are teenagers, they are going through many internal developmental transitions, that they are spending emotional energy adjusting to, and they often do this with close friends, who they bond with more strongly during this period. That is why teens can have a harder time moving and dealing with Aliyah on top of their already tumultuous changes taking place, and doing this without their friends and social support can prove very difficult for them.

The second factor to look at is where they will be going. I believe that finding a school or community where there are English speakers in their classes, definitely helps. Is the school familiar with the process of Aliyah and how it can affect children? Do they have a program in the school that supports the needs of Olim children, or are they open to finding solutions? Do they have a bullying policy? If your child can have even one friend or kid he/she knows at school, this will make the world of difference. They will get excruciatingly bored sitting through classes all day they don't understand. But they will start to absorb the language. The length of time this takes is different for every child.

From my experience, children who had difficulty with the transition usually are a little bit more reserved to begin with, or smart, and are sensitive to being or feeling misunderstood and more easily alienated. Or previously suffered from some anxiety (which is more common than you think). These children, and all Olim kids, can be helped by:

1) Making sure you and the principal choose the "right" teacher, who is kind, patient and caring and willing to value and pay attention to your child.

2) They could join a fun chug (extra curricular activity) to increase confidence and exposure to Hebrew. There are plenty on offer in Israel, and there are tons of kids here.

3) Let these children have a lot of "down" time de-stressing from the day, either playing or even watching something in Hebrew or English.

4) Sometimes a "day off school" helps to break down the intensity for them, and spending quality time with a parent.

5) What you want to do is understand how it might feel to be them. Give examples of when you were a child and how you struggled in stressful situations, and some of the strengths you used to get through it all.

6) Make a play-date when they are ready but don't push them to make a friend. They need to feel safe and secure in their new environment and they will get there. If they feel you are overly worried about them not having a friend, they may feel they have failed in some way.

7) Believe in them. Love them. Tell them. Encourage their efforts and praise their small achievements. See their strengths and show them how much they are achieving.

#vacation